Out of Many, One

Law #20:  People will constantly and consistently underestimate the impact their very being represents.

Here's something I get to witness every morning on my way to work (mainly since summer is over).  There's a high school on the road that I have to drive on and every morning it's backed up right to my street (I'm on 6th; it's on 1st).  The reason the traffic is so bad is because not only are kids constantly crossing the street to get to the school, but also drivers are dropping off kids as they pass it (who subsequently cross the street).  So what's the point of all this as compared to Law #20?  It's that the individual actions of each of those people culminate to create one huge clusterfuck.  I like to use traffic as an example but people don't seem to realize that if other people follow suit and do something they just did it accumulates and multiplies.  That's definitely not always a bad thing.  If one person votes and everyone else follows suit huge changes can happen.

You see we often like to think our actions are singular and they don't really affect anything.  Well you're not alone buddy.  Literally.  And they're out there thinking the same thing.  That the individual things they do ultimately don't affect the big picture.  They do.  Individual actions add up and ultimately inspires huge changes.

Tempting Fate

Law #19:  It's better to be safe than right.

Ever hear somebody say "I knew that wouldn't work." or "I told you it wouldn't work".  These words usually follow somebody doing something stupid that most likely could have caused them serious bodily hard.  What would motivate any individual to do such a thing?  The desire to prove themselves right.  It reminds of young Marty McFly and his weakness for being called chicken.  It became a running gag throughout the entire series where Marty was on track to accomplish something but was quickly distracted once someone called him a chicken, leading him to make several costly (and usually painful) mistakes.  Seriously though, we all know Biff Tannen would have mopped the floor with Marty if he was ever given the opportunity.  Marty's pretty good at running away.  But I digress. Yes there are several scientific theories as to why we, as humans, constantly need to prove ourselves right (for which I'm far to lazy to research just for this blog post).  I think though it takes a special kind of stupid to risk harm for the sake of being right.

Mountains Out of Molehills

Law #18: Never underestimate people's ability to make small things seem bigger.

No doubt you've heard the phrase "Making a mountain out of a molehill".  You've probably never seen an actually molehill, so here you go.  There's even a mole in this one.  Anyway, I'm also pretty sure you know what the phrase means.  In short, it's taking something really small and making it seem like it's something really big.

Lately it seems that extremism is the threat du jour.  If you want somebody to be for or against something, rather than giving the facts and letting people make informed decisions people mostly resort to scaring you into their way of thinking.  It's also applied to other things like following certain social structures or performing a certain practice or even affecting things we purchase.

In my experience, nothing seems immune or off-limits.  Why do we do it?  Because it's kinda the easy way out.  Giving people facts, telling them the deal, ACTUALLY EDUCATING THEM is more difficult that just saying "That's bad and if you mess with that you're bad too".  Trust me, you've heard that line before and in some instances you were probably inclined to believe it.  It might have been because it came from someone you admire or it might have been the result of peer pressure.

So ultimately my point here is simply to do you.  Those folks who blow up small things and make them seem huge?  They aren't going away.  All you can do is think about how you view the world and decide for yourself how big a deal something really is.  And when you figure it out, have some pretty compelling reasons for thinking that way.

I Don't Like Dislike

Law #17:  You don't need a reason to like something.  You do however need a reason to NOT like something.

Ah the Facebook like.  Probably the most prolific currency on the Web to date.  To some it's worth more than money.  Heck there are even people willing to pay actual money for a like (not legal by the way so don't start thinking this is your new career opportunity).  Voting things up isn't exactly new on the Web though.  It's actually been around a long time.  But something about it always griped me.

As much as you hear that Facebook will someday give people the opportunity to "dislike" something, don't hold your breath on that one.  Their reasoning does make sense, but I'm against it for a much simpler one.  I don't think anyone should be allowed to express dislike for anything unless they can provide a logical and/or compelling argument why.  Yeah I know.  Blah blah blah America, blah blah blah first amendment.  That's all well and good, but simple dislike is really a rare emotion.  There's almost always a reason for dislike.  I don't like fish...because I'm allergic to it.  I don't like baseball...because I think the game is slow and boring.  See how that works?

The reason it's a problem for me (and for you too) is that people end discussions with "I don't like it" and that's it.  The end.  Imagine if every congressional bill ended with this (don't get me wrong, a lot of them still do).  If we don't understand why we don't move forward.  It's that simple. Naturally, discussion doesn't always change people's mind but at least we keep the conversation in play.  We have much to discuss.

This Isn't The Implementation You're Looking For

Law #16: Implementations should conform to your policy or give you a better one.

I know this one is kinda cryptic but hear me out.  Have you ever bought an appliance that was supposed to make your life easier and you find you have to rearrange the entire kitchen just to use it?  It's kind of like that.  If you implement something into your life, your job, your ecosystem and it totally screws up policies you had in place before this implementation showed up then perhaps this isn't the implementation you're looking for.  Unless of course your original policy was crap.  It's a simple test:  Does the implementation make things harder or more simple?

I say this as a tech and watching people implement sweeping systems without the proper focus testing.  Often these implementations forget to consider the most important element:  the human one.

Karma Is A Bitch

Law #15:  While it may pay off in the short term, being a asshole will screw you over over time.

Mean people suck.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of them out there and they're running around free to do their assholery.  Assholery, however, begets assholery.  I will admit, being an asshole has a lot of short term benefits.  It creates an illusion of confidence that women seem attracted to.  It gets you things you want because people just want you out of their space as soon as possible. Being an asshole makes you memorable.

But eventually dickishness will catch up to you.  While people might defer to you while you're around, when you're not, nobody trusts you for anything.  When you're not around, the people who you've been an asshole to are exponentially happier (naturally you don't care, because you're an asshole).  And the ultimate comeuppance, when you actually need something from someone you're been an asshole to they will in turn be an asshole to you.  Assholery begets assholery.  You'll find with time you have to go further and further out of your way to do things because everyone in your immediate vicinity knows you're an assshole and they want as little to do with you as possible.

Now I realize my post sounds like it's geared towards men but I'm equal opportunity.  Women also have incredible capacity for assholery.  We just don't call them that.  We call them what we call Karma.

No Perfect Mousetrap

Law #14:  It doesn't matter how well your machine works, someone will find a way to break it.

I was in line at the Subway (I prefer Gourmet Gallery but I felt like a change of pace).  Got me a footlong turkey sub.  One thing you'll notice about how they work at Subway is they follow the assembly line structure.  It's only 3 steps: first person puts together the basic sandwich, second person handles the topping and the third checks you out.  For the most part it's perfect.  However today it broke.  See they ran out of lettuce so we had to wait a bit while they got more.  The person behind me had a shorter sandwich with practically no extra toppings but the lettuce so she was waiting for me finish my sandwich.  Ah, but she didn't wait.  She jumped past me and went right to the checkout.  Had I not been watching where my sandwich was and if we had similar sized sandwiches it might have been a mix-up.  She broke the assembly line simply by skipping me.

I tell this story as a warning to be vigilant.  Keep an eye on your machine and be ready to fix it.  Somebody will break it.

Insert Random Opportunity Quote Here

Law #13: Humans are innately opportunistic.

The pic?  Why that's the Opportunity Mars rover.  It has absolutely nothing to do with this post other than it's called Opportunity.

I got to thinking that whoever coined the phrase "crimes of opportunity" wasn't too far off from unlocking the true nature of humans.  The concept is simple.  People are perfectly ok with lying, cheating, and stealing so long as they are provided with the opportunity.  The average human's ability to find opportunity is almost instinctual.  The ability shoots to astronomical levels when people are aware they can actually exhort opportunity without fear of retribution.

It's not particularly a bad instinct though.  It's just bad most of the time.

Daddy Needs A New Pair Of Shoes!

Law #12: There is no luck; only numbers.

So played any games of chance lately?  There's a reason they're called games of chance.  Chances are you're gonna lose.  Webster defines luck as "a force that brings good fortune or adversity" and "the events or circumstances that operate for or against an individual".  Truth is it's all about probabilities.  Crunch enough probabilities and you'll find they're mostly working against you.

I say this as a warning. If you're waiting for your "luck" to change then you really oughta stop waiting and do something.  Waiting puts the probability of things happening at about 0.

Simon Pegg Gets It

Law #11: Don't be afraid to be who you are.  Life is too short to pretend to be someone you aren't.

 I ran across this image on Google+ (don't ask) and I knew right away I should make a law about it.  If you're here then you're most likely familiar with my other blog: The Renegade Geek.  Believe it or not (I know some of you are too young to rem...oh never mind), there was a time when geek and nerd culture were ridiculed and considered outcasts.  Well yours truly was always a geek.  I'll let you draw your own images of what that was like for me.  However, I was always me and I don't regret that.  Since I spent so much time on the outside looking in, I was a keen observer.  I noticed that people tended to put on a mask to fit in and hid their interests and talents if they felt it would threaten their acceptance.  You're probably looking back on your younger years right now thinking about that one thing you loved but you knew it would brand you if you were ever caught practicing it.  And now you're probably thinking about how much time you wasted doing so when you could have been doing THAT.

Simon's right.  Being a geek IS extremely liberating.  It's about saying "Hey world, this is me and I don't really care what you think about that.".  In that respect, we can all be geeks. 

Duck...Duck...Goose!

Law #10: Only once you've claimed your space does anyone more space show up.

I think we've all been here at some point in time.  You're in a large parking lot packed to the brim and you're looking for a spot.  You have to cruise through the entire lot for a good 15 minutes before you find ANY space.  You're not to happy with were the spot is but since there aren't any more you happily take it.  Then it happens.  As you're walking to your destination you spot an empty spot...then another...then another.  Where were all these spots when you were looking?

Wanna have some more fun?  Go back to your car and try to get that spot you just saw.  It'll probably be gone.  Oh well, back to where...oh, now that spot's gone too.

I think that's kind of a metaphor for life.  We spend a long time looking for a place to fit in and not finding it.  When we find a place that feels comfortable, opportunities start springing up.  But these opportunities demand you give up your currently held comfortable spot.  So what do you do?  Do you drop your comfort zone and check out this new spot or do you stay put?

You weren't looking for advice in the post were you?  Because I don't have any.  I'm just making an observation. Either stick with your spot or try the other.

Lincoln Was An Optimist

Law #9:  Pleasing everyone is an impossibility.

Personally, I hate the word "impossible".  I prefer "improbable".  Sorry, but impossible applies here.  You see, in order for everyone to be pleased consensus must be reached.  However, there are people who are simply incapable of moving with consensus.  Those who do are either ostracized or ignored in modern society.  People only start to pay attention to them when they reach a consensus comparable to the previously established one.  Add the fact that consensus is relative to location and this law's accuracy increases exponentially.

So where does that leave us?  Well just because we can't please everyone doesn't mean we can't please a lot of people.  And really, who cares about pleasing EVERYONE (except for politicians but they do a fair amount of fibbing for their living)?  How about pleasing YOURSELF and the people you care about the most?  There are people who are going to gripe and complain no matter what you do so you should really just live for you.

By the way, here's Abraham Lincoln's complete quote:

You can please some of the people some of the time all of the people some of the time some of the people all of the time but you can never please all of the people all of the time.

***Disclaimer*** If it pleases you to break the laws of modern society I hope you'll be pleased with your jail cell.  Just sayin'.

Awkwaaaaard...

Law #8:  There's never really going to be a good time to post anything on social media.

Available here...so they don't sue me for borrowing their pic.

There's a tragedy right now in America.  27 people, mostly children, were shot and killed at a Connecticut Elementary School.  Rightfully there is a lot of sadness, grief and anger over what has happened.  Just check your social media wall and see for yourself. 

Now this is a despicable crime and personally I think we should reconsidering bringing back the guillotine just for this guy but that's not what this post is really about.  It's about all the other folks who use social media and are posting right now and have no idea this all just happened.  They're going to look back at what they were posting at this very moment totally unaware of what tragedy has transpired and they're gonna feel like total douches for posting what they posted.

There just isn't ever going to be an appropriate time for posting the stuff you normally post on social media.  Heck, I'm not even sure what I'm posting now is appropriate.  When you're posting how much fun you're having fun doing something, someone else on your list is going to be posting that a relative just died.  When you're posting how much agony you're in because you burned your hand on the stove someone else on your list is going to posting just how good the food is at that new teppanyaki place.

Your time is always going to suck...and that's ok.  People didn't add you to their social media list for you to be appropriate all the time and cheer them up and be that one sunshiny bright spot on the web for them.  They did it because they want to stay in touch with you and what's going on in your life.

Right now, it's ok to mourn.  But if you look back on what you were posting not knowing what was going on you shouldn't feel bad about that.  Don't apologize either.  You were just being you and that's all we ever asked for.

How About Fantasyland?

Law #7: You are entitled to your own opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts.

This entry's title refers to the 1986 comedy Back To School.  Rather than try to explain it here's the actual scene.


Granted, Rodney Dangerfield is the "hero" in this story but in this clip he's just dead wrong.  Though Dangerfield's character is a successful businessman, he's here injecting his own methods and procedures into what has been established as standard factual business teaching material.  Yes, it's still funny but that leads me to the point of this entry.

I'm a scientist.  I started out in the marine sciences and later expanded to computer science.  Biology, chemistry, zoology, etc.  If there was an -ology after it there's a good chance I studied it at some point or another.  In science we rely on facts.  You see, we can't EVER assume things.  Mostly at the time it was because if we did we'd probably get a failing grade on our report.  The bigger picture though was that if our results could not reproduced we don't get to call it a fact.  It's like we just made it up.

So why the rant?  Because lately (and by lately I mean pretty much my entire life) science has found itself under fire simply for stating facts that prove to be inconvenient for certain people.  By certain people I mean politicians. Despite my political affiliation I've said time and again that anytime politicians make an effort to regulate science they are bound to just screw it up.  I'll let author Michael Crichton, who himself was a scientist, explain why:

“I want to pause here and talk about this notion of consensus, and the rise of what has been called consensus science. I regard consensus science as an extremely pernicious development that ought to be stopped cold in its tracks. Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're being had.

Let's be clear: the work of science has nothing whatever to do with consensus. Consensus is the business of politics. Science, on the contrary, requires only one investigator who happens to be right, which means that he or she has results that are verifiable by reference to the real world. In science consensus is irrelevant. What is relevant is reproducible results. The greatest scientists in history are great precisely because they broke with the consensus.

There is no such thing as consensus science. If it's consensus, it isn't science. If it's science, it isn't consensus. Period.”

Here's my issue.  Too often I see facts twisted, bent, obliterated and even ignored just to push an certain agenda.  The people pushing this agenda feel that if they can get consensus on their side then the facts are irrelevant.  Then once they've achieved that consensus, they act as if the consensus is fact.  It's not.  Period.

Oh, and Rodney does eventually learn the material.

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

Law #6: You spend way too much time asserting your importance in the natural order of things.

Humans, I dare say, must be the most arrogant beings in the universe.  As a testament to that, me just saying that proves it.  We get so caught up in minor issues that we end up sweating really small stuff and blowing them up into monuments.  We are dust motes, living on a dust more, in a solar system dust mote, in a galaxy dust mote...so on and so forth.  There is a universe larger and grander than any of us could ever imagine but we mount huge protests against clothes for dogs.

I'm reminded of an episode of Weird Science when Wyatt was stressing over asking a girl out when he got sage advice from a fictional Albert Einstein.

The universe is a vast, expanding furnace of matter and energy.  Relative to this you are infinitely small and insignificant.  Your actions: ultimately meaningless.  The universe is still going to expand.  Nothing you do will change that.  You are still going to die.

We tend to think that planets burst into flames and black holes engulf whole solar systems based on our actions when ultimately the universe doesn't really care what we do on our little dust mote.  This quote gave Wyatt the courage to ask that girl out because he realized that even if she said no the world doesn't end.  His world doesn't end.  And time is too short to even dwell on failure.

Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better

Law #5: There will always be someone who is more than you.

That's Neil deGrasse Tyson.  He is infinitely a greater geek than I.  I have no problem with that.  I just think he's awesome.  Follow him on Twitter, he's hilarious.  But I digress.  Point I'm making here is that no matter what you think of yourself there is always someone out there who is more of it.  There's always someone richer.  Always someone prettier/more handsome.  Always someone with a more busted life than yours.  Always someone living a better life than yours.  Yes, more goes both ways.  Get the point?  So small piece of advice.  If you want to be the best at something, do it for yourself; not to be better than someone else.

P.S.  It's ok to brag to yourself that you're the best there is at what you do...but really, just keep that to yourself. :)

Excuse Me

Law #4:  It doesn't matter where you stand.  You'll always be in someone's way.

Little known fact: People have great difficulty moving in curves.  If you don't believe me watch how traffic evens out once people get to the straight stretch on the waterfront heading west (sorry for the local reference).  Point is the minute you put something in someone's straight path they have to reprocess their entire thought patterns just to go AROUND that something...or at last that's what it seems like to me.  Strangely enough this doesn't apply to sitting.  It's like going around someone who's sitting down is more natural than going around someone who's standing up.

The Ants Go Marching On And On, Hurrah

Law #3: In any line, whoever is directly in front of you will be the weakest link.

I grew up in Catholic School.  Reflecting upon that today, it dawned on me how militaristic the nuns were about walking in a straight line.  We'd spend a half hour literally not going anywhere until we had a straight line.  So I've therefore been imparted with an almost neurotic sense of what a line should encompass.  Turns out that the line is not so sacred to everyone else.

Now I would like to defend the sanctity of the line at any given opportunity, but unfortunately that requires everyone else to be with me on it.  That said, the person directly in front of me has always and probably will always be the weakest link.  I'm not just referring to traffic.  I mean any line.  Ever been in line with someone who won't physically stand in the line but will hover outside it marking their spot?  I have.  Ever had someone merge into your line from another while claiming it was the same line?  Yeah, been there done that.  Someone leaving a line and then returning just when it's your turn claiming they only went to pick up one more thing?  Almost got in a fist fight over that one.

Point is, you can't defend the line when the line doesn't care to be defended.  Unfortunately waiting in lines is a part of life (unless you're mega-rich then you wait for no man).  There are shortcuts though.  Thank goodness for the Internet.

Never There. You're Never There.

Law #2: As long as you're within proximity of multiple forms of communication, no one will ever seek you out.  It is only when you remove yourself from proximity to these devices will everyone seek you at exactly the same time.

I used to think it was just me but I've heard accounts of this happening to others as well.  You can be at your desk for hours.  Nobody will call you, email you, message you, nothing.  The minute you move, to say go to the bathroom, you'll come back and find that you've missed like 3 calls, you have 5 new email messages and somebody you rarely communicate with is trying to message you on Facebook.
 

You Again?

Law #1: So long as someone manages to impede your progress once, so long as they remain in your presence they will manage to do so again at least one more time.

An object in motion stays in motion tends to remain in motion...until some jackhole manages to find themselves in your path.  Here's a perfect example.  Say you're at the store and you're making a beeline for the register.  Out of nowhere someone manages to cut you off and now you're stuck behind them in the line.  You think it's over but that was only impedance #1.  #2 comes when it's time for them to pay and all of a sudden they have no idea how to swipe their debit card.  If the universe likes you enough, they'll probably be blocking you in when you're ready to leave the parking long.